


I'm Too Sexy

by Dwimordene



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, Other - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 08:30:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4214989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dwimordene/pseuds/Dwimordene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legolas, on the catwalk, in honor of his fandom romances. Cue karaoke machine...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Too Sexy

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

_The setting: A long plank like a diving board, set over a volcano._  
Legolas at end furthest from lava. We don't know how the karaoke  
machine is operating without an electrical outlet, but it's there and blaring.

Legolas (tossing hair, singing of his various fandom romantic encounters):

I'm too sexy for your love too sexy for your love  
I'm going to leave love

I'm too sexy for your sword too sexy for your sword  
So sexy I'm bo-ored  
And I'm too sexy for Gondor too sexy for Gondor  
Mirkwood and Arnor

And I'm too sexy for your beard  
Too sexy for your beard  
No way I'm dwarvish nancing

I'm immortal (you know what I mean)  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk

[thousands of female fans watching on gigatron faint in horror as he does indeed do a pirouette above Mt. Vesuvias]

I'm too sexy for your Ring, too sexy for that Ring  
Poor hobbit—no elvish fling  
And I'm too sexy for that horn  
Too sexy for your horn long before you were born

I'm an Elf Prince—you know what I mean,  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah  
I shake my little tush on the catwalk

[Millions of female fans watching on gigatron faint at shaking of tush]

I'm too sexy for you too sexy for you too sexy for you-hoo!

'Cos I'm immortal—you know what I mean!  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah  
I shake my little tush on the catwalk

[camera zooms in on edge of plank, to which Legolas has progressed]

I'm too sexy for myself too sexy for myself  
Poor Leggy, poor pretty Elf  
And I'm too sexy for my hair, too sexy for my hair  
So sexy it scares me

And I'm too sexy for this song

[leaps...]

*****

["I'm Too Sexy"](http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/imtoosexylyrics.html) lyrics. I'm sure Right Said Fred was not harmed by this parody, although I register the protest of the Society for the Preservation of Sindarin Dignity and note that Legolas would accept no money for his performance... ;-)


End file.
